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Widow_of_Paradise
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Name: Samantha
Country: United States
State: Missouri
Metro: Springfield
Birthday: 2/15/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: art, piano, vocal music, DLA, fantasy, fantasy novels, rpg's, Go, checkers, psychology, mythology, literature, billards, cats, the color blue, stuffed animals, satin, medieval clothing, individuality, and much more
Expertise: Anything artsy. But mainly music and traditional art.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Textiles
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Fauzlin_Zoe
MSN: farore_courage@hotmail.com
Member Since:
7/26/2004
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| It's been quite awhile since I last posted. I'm considering moving my blog to a different locale. Maybe.
I haven't quite yet decided on it.
I am no longer a Missourian, thankfully.
Instead, I have transitioned to someplace that I hope will be better than Springfield was.
I grew up near Springfield and have never liked it.
The sigh of relief I breathed on my move day was almost tangible. I really wish I could have captured it for later use.
We didn't even have to drive through that awful town to get to my destination. And for that I am relieved-- exhilarated, even (in retrospect).
Though I am happy here, waiting for the Summer term to begin, yesterday was a bit of a dip into despair.
I don't really know why it happened, though I can tell that it has lifted for the time being.
I felt lonely and useless, really. It was a terribly accurate feeling for yesterday. It truly was applicable for a few hours-- maybe even the whole day.
Here I am, floating a bit. I don't know anyone yet and I, being the type to sit back and observe for hours on end before I make my first, definitive move, am at a bit of a loss. For the time being, anyway.
I have two friends in town. But one is an ex boyfriend, the relationship between us rocky at best. To best describe it, picture a woman or man out for a walk. Things are great, the weather is chill but invigorating, the sky overcast and thus a shield against the normally scorching hot summer sun. S/he is walking and things are good. Then, quite suddenly, his feet get caught up together and he falls-- spraining one of his ankles and skinning his palms a bit.
He stalls, sitting on the ground, doing a quick diagnostic check. He's fine, just a little bruised, but otherwise alright. He doesn't really know what happened or how it happened, but he's left with the pain. Upon continuing (this time for carefully, and a bit slower), a little bit on down the way, the same thing happens. One ankle is fine, the other is now badly injured. And he, quite unsure which foot caused him to fall. He hurts a bit everywhere now, a little bit of blood on his hands and knees, and with the urging pain from almost everything, he can't really tell if he's hurt the seeming on injured one or if it hurts too, but is masked by the pain of the other ankle.
That's kind of how it is now, between us. Well, how it got to how it is.
I would really like for us to still be friends, but it's really hard to even know where we are anymore.
He acts like he's happy to see me one minute and then the next verges on total dickhead.
It's ridiculous.
Most times, I can laugh about it...but other times, it's not so easy to giggle when it hurts so bad.
Yesterday was one of those sad days.
Maybe it was the cloud-cover. Usually, overcast days help me think clearly, but maybe the light was off yesterday. Regardless, I was in a shitty mood and there was nothing I could do about it.
Besides the stupidness, I really am happy to be here.
I'm just a bit bored at the moment. SIGH.
Things will change....
And hopefully for the better.
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| I've had a few lapses recently, thinking about things of which I probably shouldn't be thinking.
But, that can't be helped.
Anyway, I'm off to Los Angeles on Tuesday.
This will be fun.
A nice distraction--diversion, even-- or so I hope.
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| I shouldn't be sad...
Yet I am...
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| I've been flying easy for the past few weeks, after the last big fight he and I had.
And now?
I'm looking for apartments...and...seeing street names from thousands of feet above makes me want to cry.
If I'm not careful...I just may give in.
For a moment, anyway.
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| * . . About You . . *
Eye Color:: Brown
Hair Color:: Um...Brown (and occasionally blue ^^)
Height:: 5'8/5'9ish
Favorite Color:: Cerulean and Cobalt blue, and Hunter Green
Screen Name:: FauzlinZoe (for AIM, but I hate AIM)
Favorite Band:: ...Too big of a list for this
Favorite Movie:: Spirited Away, Garden State, etc
Favorite Show:: Good Eats, MythBusters, Robot Chicken
Your Car:: Silver Pontiac Aztek (which kicks ass)
Your Hometown:: Po-dunk, Missouri (I kid; it's Cassville)
Your Present Town:: Sadly, Springfield, Missouri
Your Crushes First Name:: Current crush? Don't really have one, honestly.
Your Grade:: Totally not in grade-school anymore. I'm a college-kid, biotch.
Your Style:: I am me, that's style enough ^^
* . . Have You Ever . . *
Sat on your rooftop?: Not really feasible to do so. But I wanted to.
Kissed someone in the rain?: Yes. It was amazing.
Danced in a public place?: Always ^^
Smiled for no reason?: Not as often as I should.
Laughed so hard you cried?: Yeah
Peed your pants after age 8?: Um, no.
Written a song?: A few tunes on the piano, yes. And one is quite good, if I do say so myself ^^
Sang to someone for no reason?: Yeah
Performed on a stage?: Yep
Talked to someone you don't know?: Not usually, but I have.
Gone out of your way to befriend someone?: Yeah, a couple of times. That's how I found one of my previous boyfriends. ^^ He was a shy little lark.
Made out in a theatre?: Of course.
Gone roller skating since 8th grade?: A couple of times, yes. Retro skating parties are the shit, my friend.
Been in love?: Yeah...
* . . Who was the last person to . . *
Say HI to you?: I think Justin, my work buddy who occasionally pops over from EB Games.
Tell you, I love you?: Outside of family? I denno, possibly John. Otherwise? Prolly my mom.
Kiss you?: A guy who didn't deserve it.
Hug you?: Brady
Tell you BYE?: John
Write you a note?: Hmn...I denno really.
Take your photo?: ME!
Call your cell phone?: Chris
Buy you something?: My boss: He bought me frappuchino
Go with you to the movies?: Shintaro.
Sing to you?: John
Write a poem about you?: Brady
Text message you?: Brady
Touch you?: In a sexual way? That unmentionable guy. In a playful way? Brady and/or John
* . . What's the last . . *
Time you laughed?: Earlier today when I was hanging out with Justin at EB
Time you cried?: Not too awful long ago. A week, maybe? Almost did last night.
Movie you watched?: Kinsey, followed by Infection
Joke you told?: A joke to mock Eric's prism, groan-worthy "joke"
Song you've sang?: Fidelity
Time you've looked at the clock?: What kind of question is this? Probably earlier, at 1:27 when I wanted to leave work so badly
Drink you've had?: Alcoholic? Gin and tonic, last month. Non-alcoholic? mocha frappuchino
Number you've dialed?: John's
Book you've read?: What Smart Women Know
Food you've eaten?: Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Flavor of gum chewed?: Spearmint
Shoes you've worn?: Brown and tan Sketchers with tan laces
Store you've been in?: EB Games (it's more fun that GameStop)
Thing you've said?: I hate my job/I don't want to live here anymore
* . . Can You . . *
Write with both hands?: I like to pretend I can, some times
Whistle?: A little bit.
Blow a bubble?: Aye
Roll your tounge in a circle?: Yup
Cross your eyes?: I can one-up on that: I can cross them separately and freak people the hell out.
Touch your tounge to your nose?: No...*sniffle*
Dance?: Not seriously, but I can pretend
Gleek?: Only on accident. Usually at really inopportune times, too.
Stay up a whole night without sleep?: Too often
Speak a different language?: I'd like to try, but I'm not even remotely fluent in anything but English. Well, maybe Simlish. ^^
Impersonate someone?: Only a few "stereotype-based" impressions. Like, Um.
Prank call people?: Nah, I think it's pretty lame, myself.
Make a card pyramid?: Used to, denno if I can now
Cook anything?: Lots
* . . Finish The Line . . *
If i were a ...: bird I could fly up ever so high and away from here
I wish ...: people would stop being hurtful
So many people don't know that ...: I care
I am ...: a bitch at times
My heart is ...: achy today and always, it seems.
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